


Don’t take my sunshine(s) away again.

by FoxyLove



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Character Death, It's just mainly sad feels all around, M/M, Memories, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 22:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19777618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxyLove/pseuds/FoxyLove
Summary: A look at what life was like for Orochimaru was like shortly after he died





	Don’t take my sunshine(s) away again.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I sad in a comment to someone that I wouldn’t be writing much angst, but this story I have in my head for all the ships I got for this veeeeeeerrrrrryy long collection of stories I got is fucking depressing the more I think about it and put into the backgrounds of the characters. Eh, this what I get for writing in the Omegaverse and about past lives in this when so many people died.

The house was silent. Nothing moved. Nothing made a sound. The only sound there was, was the faint creaking of an old rocking chair with Orochimaru in it and his two kids humming a soft lullaby holding them. His seven year old son, Log, laid drooling on his chest while his two year old little baby, Mitsuki, was peacefully asleep in his brothers arms. He stared at the boys smiling, but his heart ached.

No matter how much time would past he would never be able to get over how they look. No matter how much he smiled, he could not ignore how similar their smiles look exactly like his from their childhood. He wouldn’t be able to look at Log for as long as Mitsuki without tearing up at being reminded of him.

Not when his oldest son looks like an exact copy of him. Despite his parent's pale skin, or, eyes or having such short hair, he looked exactly like  **him** .

He stopped his humming and just continued to rock back and forth slowly to get the boys their beds, without waking them up. Mainly the baby. Lord knows how loud they can scream. The raven looked up from the boys staring at the light fixture in the middle of the living room. The once smiling face became a slight frown with his brows furrowed up. He kept remembering how happy everyone was.

How happy Log was knowing he was gonna be a big brother.

How happy they were to know Orochimaru was pregnant again.

How happy he was when he found out Orochi was going to bear his child each time.

Everyone was happy… Why did he have to be a stupid hero of Kohona? Why did he have to go to that stupid hide-out?

Why…

...Why did he have to die?

The man tensed up when he felt Log moving, and glanced down to see him smacking his lips from the stream of drool leaking out. “No Mr. Duck… those are my jolly ranchers…..” A sigh of relief washed over him. Yet what made him internally panic is when the baby started moving.

So in hopes to keep Mitsu asleep, instead of humming he’d start softly singing the lullaby. “You are my sunshine. My one and only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray.” The tiny person in the blue sleep onesie cooed in contentment and snuggled comfortably back into his brothers arms.

He slowly rose from the rocking chair and carried them off to Log’s room. “You’ll never know dear. How much I love you.” The once large frames of the pictures hanging on the wall got smaller, thinner. One picture just showed a close up of Log and Orochimaru grinning (Yeah I know, crazy right? Orochimaru actually grinning? Shocking) at the camera in front of something red with gold circles on each side draped over something green.

What the single parent's only wish is that neither of his sons would notice is the faint tan skin on shoulder of both the child and raven, just praying the dark frame would keep both boys unaware of the hand that once belonged to the man he loved. He just hopes the boys believe that story long enough for something to take any of them to their graves.

“Please don’t take, my sunshine away.” In his mind he knows sooner or later the boys will find out about their father. The snake sage prefers later. Or maybe never. He prefers never. With that kind of information that their other parent was a well know and respected hero, and not to mention a powerful one, will put the boys in danger. Hell… he put his own children in danger when he tried to prove what he could with the lies he told them and the others. Would they still love him if they found out?

Even before Naruto putting him under watch of Tenzo, he couldn’t let the guy know he lied about them being born in test tubes. Or know neither wasn’t born with powers he ‘supposedly’ extracted from Juugo and Suigetsu when they were held captive and injected into them. It hurt him to see one of his children end up with a scar caused by him and one he was forced to put the DNA into his own baby. He cried so much that day. 

Still, he can’t risk letting anyone know.

He can’t risk letting the kids know, not when they’re so young.

No one can find out about _him_.

In his heart he wants to tell the boys so badly. He wants to tell them who their father is. Tell them why their mommy cries so much at night. Why the pictures got so small. Yet at the same time he doesn’t want to, for the fear of losing what he has left is greater than the want of telling them the truth. Even if he knows it’ll come back in the future to bite him in the ass, he won’t tell them.

The day he’d finally say it is the same day he’s on his death bed, and he became immortal shortly after Mitsu was born, so that’s basically never happening. Steadily with one hand, Orochimaru balanced Log and quietly opened the bedroom door. “The other night dear. As I lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms.” He kept the lights off, tip-toeing into the room and gently laid the boy down from the drool spot on his kimono, leaving a large mark and for it become cold causing him to shiver.

He slowly removed the boys arms around the sleeping baby brother and tucked him in with his favorite stuffed toy. A frog. A gift given by that man shortly after Log was born. Orochimaru chuckled faintly at the thought. Log refused to go to sleep without it. " _It smell like daddy!_ ". Orochimaru closed the door with the youngest resting his head on his shoulder sucking on his little thumb. He wasn't sure if the boy wouldn’t wake up or move around in his sleep so instead he continued singing and kept replaying it when they got to Mitsuki’s room.

Gradually setting the tiny infant in his crib, and steadily rocking the crib back in forth in a gentle and even pace. He smiles at the sight of his child cooing happily with a small snake plushie laying beside him as he hugs it tightly. Oro creeps out of the babies room silently and turned off the light closing the door.

He stood at the door with his back turned towards it, gripping the handle ever so tightly with his head held in shame and regret. When will the aching and tears stop? He took a deep, shaky breath trying to calm himself. “ _It’s been nearly three years… I need to move on._ ” Yet another part of him speaks to him deep from the corners of his mind, “ _ **But you can’t.**_ ” and it’s not wrong. He was able to get a babysitter when Log was still a toddler and Mitsu was only a few months when he decided to try having sex again. What a better thing to do than to go to a bar and try to hook up with someone.

When the time came in the bedroom, no matter how hard he tried he wasn’t able to do it. He couldn’t even get it up and tried to force himself to just go along with it for the guy, yet the man knew Orochimaru wouldn’t like it. “ **It’s because it’s not** _ **his** _ **touch.** ” The raven’s body trembled, not like the way it used to when he would think of his dead lover that way. He tried to hold back his tears, but he couldn’t. So he just slid down his baby boy’s door, sitting on the floor, and burying his face in his hands sobbing silently as his body shook with the violent trembles of his stifled cries.

“ _ **You never went out on dates anymore with people trying to woo you. Not even one night stands. It’s because it doesn’t feel like**_ _ **him** _ _**. All you ever do is try to remember and copy the way he touched you. How he held you in his arms. His hands threading through your hair. You cry every fucking time you remember how his stupid jokes and dirty innuendos made you laugh.**_ ”

The one thought he thought he’d never consider, let alone think of, creeped up his spine suddenly just popping into his brain.

“ _ **How are you even fit enough to be a parent to those boys?**_ ” His voice choked up forming a tight lump in his throat as more tears slid down his face. Was he a good parent to the boys? He's been doing everything he can to protect them and provide them a home. “ _ **Do you really think either of them would ever love you if they find out what you did?! You still refuse to throw away all those gifts he got you years ago!! ACCEPT IT!! HE’S GONE!! JIRAIYA’S DEAD!!**_ ” Orochimaru grit his teeth and gripped his head. Before he could even stop himself to realize what he's doing, he shouted in the empty hallway. “SHUT UP!!!” He tensed up snapping his eyes open to listen to if either of the boys woke up.

Luckily the oldest didn’t, but he heard Mitsuki’s wailing cries. Quickly, he got up opening the door and held the baby in his arms shushing him. “Shhh shhh. It’s ok baby boo, mommy was… Mommy was just having some bad nightmares.” He sniffled with throat still cracking up and rubbed his babies back in an attempt to soothe him.

Ten minutes passed and Mitsuki had fallen back asleep. He set him down again slowly and creeped out of the room again, walking light and fast on his toes to his bedroom. After shutting his door and collapsing onto his mattress, that’s when the waterworks started to overflow. He just cried and cried into his pillow weeping silently, not to disturb his boys.

He can practically hear the cheesy lines his husband would say if he was here watching him cry in a way to try to make him laugh and smile.

He’d moved his long jet black hair behind his ear and cradle his cheek with his big warm hand contrasting against his cold skin and say something like, “ _Hey, why is a beauty like you crying? It makes me sad to see you cry._ ” Orochimaru wiped his now puffy red eyes that had wept all they could for that night. He looked under his bed and used his jutsu to stretch his arm out to grab a small cardboard box of things he held most dear to him. The box was covered top to bottom with dust, showing it hasn't been touched in years.

He sat the box on his lap and took out the two rings that had sat in that box for years. He still remembers the exact words when he was given his husbands ring before he left. “ _Here. Keep it, so I’ll have something to come back to._ ” He asked why and the wild toad user grinned with his response, “S _o that way you’ll know my heart will come back to it’s home._ ” He clutched the rings and kissed them. Setting the simple gold bands to the side, he reached into the box and grabbed the two pregnancy sticks. Those days replayed like a vivid dream in his mind countless times. He still smiles each time at remembering the reactions he got.

“ _Y-you’re actually pregnant?! How?!….. Yeah I remember the pill you made for our anniversary. Still one of our best nights if you ask me…Ouch. No need to hit so hard Oro, I was playing with you... Side-effects?…. So.. you’re not just yanking my chain here? You’re actually pregnant?… Oh my god._ ” That big oaf hugged and cried on him about how happy he was going to become a dad. 

He was even more ecstatic about being a father again when he found out Orochimaru was carrying Mitsu. “ _Are you kidding me?… Wow.. how far along are you this time?… I wonder if this little one can hear me already… You hear that Log? You’re gonna be a big brother!… Aww you don’t wanna have a baby sibling?_ ”

He let out a small puff of air in a quiet laugh. Next, pulling out an old shirt his lover used to wear. That loud man wore it so many times falling asleep late at night despite it being however hot outside at night. Especially during summer and it's heatwaves, he'd hate to think what Suna's summer heatwaves were like.

It was an orange short-sleeved shirt with a tiny green frog and one old blue one in the corner of the front. Orochimaru still can’t believe how he wore such a terrible looking shirt. “ _What? It’s cute…. O-oi! Quit laughing teme!… Oh you wanna do thi now? Cause I’m not afraid to knock you out with a pillow._ ” He grinned at that as he stared down at the clothing. He took in a deep breath of it. “It still smells like you..” No matter how many times he’d wash it it’d always smell like Jiraiya. Maybe he could give it to Log when he’s older? Who knows.

Orochimaru set the shirt to the other side of the bed, probably going to fall asleep with it as a way of comfort for the night. The last thing in that forgotten box was an old picture. It was the original of the picture that had a close up of Orochimaru and Log grinning at the camera with those tan hands peeking out of the frame.

It was apparent that it was old from the signs of wear and tear and the crinkles of the folded lines of the picture. He delicately opened the picture he had kept in that box for years. Before fully opening he hesitated. Was he really emotionally and mentally prepared to see that grin he fell in love with? The smile that shined brighter in his dark and dreary, grey life? The one that gave him hope people might listen to him?

He.. he wasn’t so sure now he could face his husband's smile again. Maybe it’d be best if the picture was forgotten? Then he thought about it shaking it off. He didn't wanna forget that smile, it was just the thought of becoming overwhelmed again with emotion that scared Orochimaru. If he wanted to move on from his dead love he'd to face it and accept he’d never see that ever loving smile in person again.

He resumed opening the old photo and panned his eyes up. The Orochimaru from that time sat on a picnic blanket with the basket and food just out of focus onto the left side of the photo. He was around five months, going onto six, when that picture was taken. Their oldest son sat on his lap hugging his mom tightly and grinning at the camera, face smushed against Orochimaru’s.

His golden eyes followed the trail of tanned hands up those murky green kimono sleeves to the broad shoulders that had the most recognizable red vest with two gold circles on both sides draped down his chest. The two long stands of untamed wild white hair hung by the sides of the face he only saw in his dreams.

That grin both warmed and saddened his heart conflicting each other. Hot and cold. It was blatantly clear which emotion had won with silent tears spilling down his cheeks and drops falling onto the aged paper. Absent mindly tracing his husbands face.

He felt numb.

He felt like a huge part of him was ripped from his body the day he died. Sniffling and wiping the tears away once more, he placed the box back under his lonely king-sized bed. When he raised himself back up he caught a glimpse of the framed photo of his two sons smiling while they had played outside with their toys on his nightstand. A pale hand grabbed the frame and stared at it.

He needed to be— No.

He had to be strong. For them.

Turning over to lay on his side in bed, photo in a tight grip, he grabbed the shirt holding both objects close to his chest while he buried his face into the shirt of what was the closest he could get of Jiraiya. In a silent prayer that ached deep within his soul, he whispered out into the empty room hoping whatever deity was listening to him.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away from me again.”

**Author's Note:**

> All aboard the angst train, choo-choo. Complimentary tissues are being handed out.


End file.
